Sunday Scribblings: Change for a Dollar
Excuse me; do you have change for a dollar?
I suppose we aren’t talking about this kind of change, are we.
What do I want to say about change? I suppose I could talk about change as a constant part of life. Though time ticks in a constant pattern of 60 minutes and 12 hour increments, the today is never the same as yesterday. December 22 this year is different then December 22 last year. I could talk about the importance of understanding impermanence as a benign characteristic of change. That when we accept that change happens, we can let go of holding on too long and getting stuck to some invisible hitching post of the past. That when we can let go of things that come in seasons, moments, and periods, we can accept them for what they are absorbing the beauty in the moment without getting lost in the worries that change brings. If I accepted that you are only a moment, then I can appreciate the moment for what it is, and allow myself to accept the things that makes it only a moment. If I accept this self is only a moment, I can find new avenues to this self with less doubt and more self-love and compassion.
I could write about how it is important to not push out the moments that are limited just because they are not meant to stay. I will not want this moment because it cannot stay only means we lose the moment, it does not protect us from change. Change doesn’t one day give us sunlight and the next day takes it away either. She is not a malice force…though I will take a moment and say that societal progress is not the same as change. I will not excuse a business man who takes away the oceans for profit in the name of progress. He is not the change I am talking about on this page. American progress is something different, profusely manipulative of changes opportunity and a short-sighted coward.
I’m a GoGo who can talk the talk. I can say its time to let go and move on, its time for mourning and joy. It’s time to know change as the common denominator of life. And still, I struggle with change sometimes because I really don’t understand her. What comes and goes in shorter increments seems disproportionate to what comes and goes in longer waves. Sometimes I would prefer the reversal. But I am not supposed to understand her. It is not my job to know exactly what change will bring or to decide where change comes. Sounds powerless, doesn’t it? No. For me, what a relief that it is not my job to know when and how change comes and goes. In this way, change becomes a gift of opportunity. She opens doors and offers me the choice to go through or not. She offers me adaptability. She bestows upon this self the chance to not have to be the same person. She gives me time to mourn and to hope for newness. She gives me permission to not have to know it all and understand everything in order to grow or be valid in this world. Change a constant, is a constant reminder that every moment is unique. She is beautiful.
Change? What will I change about myself in the coming year? What will I let go of? What will change without my consent? Who will I be in December 22, 2007 and where will I be? Will the change of leaving for a new place mean my friendships are gone? I am leaving this town where I have built many wonderful relationships, while letting go of many more. I know leaving doesn’t mean they are gone. It just means we get to be friends in a different way, and something tells me that knowing this means it gets to be better. No. I’ve learned its okay to let go of this worry to embrace the beauty that newness can bring. And yet, it’s a hard leap. As I have said, I’m a GoGo who can talk the talk who’s about the walk the walk, and I am glad change is at my side.
Of course, some parts of these sentiments will change tomorrow.