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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Cup of Earl Grey

I have writers block. My day and week unfolds in my head like a grocery list. The things I have to say play out in my head like a person who gets lost in the mundane details of the day – first I turned on my car, then I pushed on the gas, then I forgot I put it in drive, so I pushed on the break…

Yeah, no. Not my cup of earl grey, thank you.

People ask me what I want in another person all the time. I usually have a hard time answering it because A) I don’t like to build an image in my head, so I can keep myself open (PC version), B) I think what I really like about a woman is hard to describe in words – I keep saying I will know her when I see her (too lazy to answer version), and C) it really doesn’t matter what I like because who I like winds up not being a good choice and who likes me isn’t my cup of earl grey either (Last year and a half version, badumpbump...no please save your applause for the end).

What I will say now and do know is the person I like would be excited about her life…not overly excited or unrealistically excited, but overall can share her day with some enthusiasm about it. My cup of earl grey appreciates the spontaneity in life, but can balance it with practicality when it needs to apply. Doesn’t expect me to be an appendage to her life, and doesn’t get nervous because I have my own friends. Don’t get me wrong friends can mix and mingle, it’s the nature of things, but please don’t expect me to do everything social with one person. And I already know I wouldn’t want an appendage in return. I want a lover, friend, and partner NOT a codependent loss of identity (for either of us). My cup of earl grey would be socially conscious, but not socially arrogant. See, I’ve come to the understanding that there is a spectrum of understanding and that there is an opposite of Conservative Nazi Religious Right Scary…and it’s not pretty either.

Um, how did I get on this? Here I go labeling. Whatever, I know I will know her when I see her. I was just trying to say, I love a good dialogue about life, and prefer to avoid the shopping lists of living. I prefer this good quality in a partner, and I figured I try and answer that dastard little question posed to me again today. Of course, you don’t have to be my partner for me to tell some poignant moment in my day…but alas today is not one of them.

…then I put the car in drive, and pushed on the gas. Then I drove.

:O) GoGo

5 Comments:

Blogger JourneyThroughLIfe said...

Great post, GG!
Your A, B, C list is something that I can really relate to.
And when you talked about wanting someone who is excited about her life, it made me question my own excitement for life.
I so hope you can find the person who is right for you. And that you will know her when you see her very soon! You deserve every inch of happiness, GoGo.
Hugs to you,
JTL
xxx

10:47 PM, April 27, 2006  
Anonymous beansprout said...

You will know here when you see her. Good enough. I believe that you will!

12:14 AM, April 28, 2006  
Blogger telfair said...

Well, don't rule someone out because they might not seem like your cup of earl grey at first. My husband & I spent the first six months after we met ignoring one another because we didn't immediately see things in the other that we thought we were looking for. After we became friends, though, we realized that even though we didn't fit each other's expectations, we loved each other nonetheless, and perhaps all the more for it.

Good luck with your search!

I also really liked the part about understanding that there is an opposite to the Conservative Right Wing Extremist, and that isn't pretty, either...that's a great observation. I have friends like that and I didn't realize that until recently, perhaps because I had a big old blind spot. They're Liberal, supposedly socially enlightened folks -- but in their own way, they're just as judgmental and extreme and hostile as they accuse their counterparts of being.

3:06 AM, April 28, 2006  
Anonymous Shannon (Sentimental) said...

I know we can all understand and I agree you will know when you find her.

7:05 AM, April 28, 2006  
Blogger GoGo said...

Thanks for the nice words. I really don't box in my types. There are most definetly things I do not want in a person, but they usually stem around behaviors I've learned to avoid.

5:30 AM, April 29, 2006  

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