My Photo
Location: Midwest, United States

"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Time and I are having arguments these days

Time and I are having arguments these days. I have 2 and 1/2 more projects to complete, an internship, a job, and personal to do' do. One personal to do is to spend time in my home reconnecting to me, my direction, and rebuilding my home. By nature, I do my best personal work when I have time to be the archeologist of my home - moving furniture, organizing my papers, sifting through the past parts of me and decided where does it need to be at this time in my life. I've been putting this off in order to attend to the more public sphere's of my life like a policy analysis, interventions, final exams, know the list.

Increasingly, my body, mind, and soul has been creeping up in my head with little plees to begin internalizing myself for a while in my home. I have a thousand projects in my head and the longer I put them off the larger the list grows...and the more I want to get started. See the part of me that needs this precious me time in my home does not beat to the rythms of time, but of the heart. My heart does not answer to anything but herself. I learned this much too late in life and the head part of me has learned to submit to her when she changes the beat of my life. It is a very special lesson I honor above all others. But how do you tell an organ that works when you sleep, keeps you alive, and well functioning, that you just have to wait a little longer?

I will put out there that my life has not been all or nothing in the self-care world. I have treated my time with myself like a lover whose been too busy to be around all the time. I've enjoyed the pockets of time when I get to focus on me and listen. I've even stopped my life in order to be with me for a moment...checking in. When your in school there are two things you learn to do well...skim read and power date the times you have with yourself. And when I say these things, I hope that bloggland doesn't see me as arrogant or self-centered. I truely believe the primary relationship in anyone's life is with themself. If you cannot be with yourself or honor yourself whole, how can you possibely be present...truelly present in anyone else's life or any other sphere. I just want more time right now, that's all.

All right, that's what happening for myself this week. Thanks for listening.



Post a Comment

<< Home