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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it....flicker

First and foremost, Good luck Bendingpeak!!
I’m sitting at the University library NOT writing my paper. Yes, these words are another distraction, another attempt at procrastination. My paper is a synthesis paper for this Administration class. I am to reflect on the logic model and program designs for a made up program I and my group members have created. There is nothing like pretending to do something. Did I ever write that this is the class I am not into? I’m the type of gyrl who likes challenges. I don’t enjoy anything to do with policy, so that just makes me want to work harder at understanding policy. This class where I am learning to design a program is tedious as hell though, even for me. This Synthesis paper is due tomorrow. This paper has been long put off for the sheer tediousness I feel regarding it. So, in the attempt to make writing it feel like tearing off a band-aide slowly with as much excruciating pain as possible complete with de-rooted hairs, I thought I would write something for the blog. I know I should just get at it already.

This is a sign of mild burn out, complete with “I don’t wanna” and long detours into reading fiction that has nothing to do with school. Currently, I am reading House of Leaves, by Mark Z. Danielewski. Well not currently, currently I am writing for the blog. I was reading the book earlier when I had daylight to write my paper. For those who have any sense of my herstory on this blog, you can see the distinct deterioration of my study habits. I am in fact, procrastinating BIG TIME. Anyway, this was not the best choice of books to distract me from my studies. I had to tear myself away from it. It wasn’t one to read between things. I knew that when I bought this book. That’s why I was waiting to read it when I had more time between things then I do now.

What can I say, it was sitting on my end table looking all nice and shiny. I had a few moments of not wanting to do anything and thought what could it hurt to crack the book. You know, read the copyright page, maybe flip through and read the author's bio....smell it. The next thing I know, I am reading the introduction, hands caressing the whiteness of the smooth paper, eyes dialated by the sheer joy of experiencing the read. It was all over from there.

Yeah, I’m in trouble. Oh, not because its past midnight and I haven’t started my paper. I’ll get that done tonight. Once I get started I will be fine. I’ll write something sweet. It’s the sheer inability to start it that is troubling. It’s also not my habit to procrastinate this bad with so many dstractions, which again brings me back to mild burn out.

…maybe I should leave out mild.

I ask myself, what do I need to do to rekindle my candle this semester? I know. Stop writing this and get to it?

Tomorrow is going to be a crappy sleepy day…

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7 Comments:

Blogger Elspeth said...

Once you start it will flow.

7:04 AM, February 13, 2007  
Blogger BendingPeak said...

Madam Procrastination,
Thank you for the good luck wishes... they have seemed to work. So far so good, just have to get through the little tedious tasks of paper work.
Glad that you were able to find some focus and get the paper done. You have loads on your plate right now, so it is only natural that you things start to go a bit off! hahaha.
Have a great night,
Heather

5:47 PM, February 13, 2007  
Blogger paris parfait said...

If it's any consolation, we've all been there - the procrastination is something of an art form for me. I know you'll manage to create what you need in the time allowed! Good luck!

8:04 AM, February 14, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Finished paper at 3am. Read the novel for a 1/2 hour. :)

Went to bed at 4am, and was really really tired the next day. Took a nap and worked on a paper due next week.

:)

~GoGo

10:28 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Rethabile said...

Happy V Day if you observe it. If you don't, drink up your chanpagne anyway. Cheers

7:21 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Rose of Sharon said...

Good for you that you've finished your paper and started another one! How was your VD? (grin).

Reading your post was like listening to my own thoughts. I'm having a bit of a mild burnout right now...not sure where it's coming from.

I need to catch up with you.
Have a good week.

8:53 AM, February 15, 2007  
Anonymous khambagirl said...

I used to be the queen of procrastination, and I sometimes slip back into that mode. I am also trying NOT to be the queen of 'doing'. Somewhere there is a balance... Good luck with your papers.

9:02 PM, February 16, 2007  

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