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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Don't Anyone Tell My Mom I Said This

Growing up, my Mother was big on us kids deciding where our faith lied. She exposed us to different philosophies and asked us to decide our church when we reached the final days of our adolescence. Our exposure to faith was limited to what she understood, spending Sundays at a NonDenominational church and our summer’s in Methodist and Baptist Bible Schools. Ever-so-often our exposure was broaden by our friends’ churches, my Mother always willing to let us go when we were asked. Hmm. Some of those churches I visited are stories of their own complete with a convulsing parishner I confused as having a seizure and stood up yelling, “Will someone stop praying and help this woman!” I’m just saying, if convulsing is a normal occurrence in church, there should be signs that give unknowing 10-year-olds a heads up.

When I came home with Sutra’s of Buddhist text in High School, she never told me to stop reading, though I was convinced I was rebelling against her. Even when I left the church a year after being baptized my Mother never stopped me, just saying that she hoped that though I stopped going, whatever I pepper my time with, it is imperative to feed the soul. I thought she was trying to guilt me back to “the faith”, but it wasn’t. Had my Mom been exposed to Wiccan, Buddhism, Islam, etc. we would have been exposed as well.

I connected these words about my Mother while having a beer with a friend this week. It was one of those moments in a conversation where I found an epiphany while discussing random topics. It was one of those conversations where we went everywhere and nowhere at the same time, just filling in the blanks of what we don’t know about each other, and I found a part of my self I didn’t know in that conversation.

I’ve always been hard on my Mom because of my limited exposure of a Patriarchal concept of God, but now I realized in her world, she just wanted me to have a spiritual faith. I thought she was misguided in believing in a Christian God, but I get what she was trying to let us kids do now. Kind of dampens the “I know better then my parents” thing...................damn.

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3 Comments:

Blogger twitches said...

My parents always said things like that, but unlike yours, mine didn't mean it. Like when they taught us not to be prejudiced, then had a heart attack when I dated a Mexican boy in high school. Or had a best friend who was gay.

So unlike you, I still get to have a perverse pleasure in twisting their teachings against them. Although, at 37, you'd think I'd have grown out of that.

I suppose they've mellowed out a bit now that they're older, but they still don't understand how they ended up with this radical liberal for a daughter (hey, one out of four ain't two bad). I like to tell them that, when I was a kid, I didn't realize they were joking about all that love-your-neighbor stuff.

6:48 AM, August 26, 2006  
Blogger twitches said...

I can't believe I wrote "two bad."

6:48 AM, August 26, 2006  
Blogger GoGo said...

Funny. Don't get me wrong, there are many things I can/could hold against my parents...and lets not even get started on prejudices, but sometimes I can see the strengths of being their kid...sometimes.

What I do know is, even though they don't get there liberal Lesbian daughter who doesn't hold well over half the value system they do, they never stop the attempt to love me. And they let me keep an open dialogue regarding what kind of love I need. I am very lucky in this.

Now as for the pitfalls...

7:04 AM, August 26, 2006  

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