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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Parameters

Silence greets my days as I spend my time coming home to self. What a good feeling, what a whole feeling, what a present being all the life lessons have afforded me. I am grateful.

This GoGo has just finished a chapter of her life and is beginning a new one. Still learning, still etching herself in between the cracks of time, she realizes it is now the time to reassess what this page means. Suddenly, she is aware of her power to turn the page.

I have loved this page exactly as it has unfolded in time, spinning my own twine of authenticity. This page has taught me that I can step out of the shadows of self and be exactly who I am in the light - etched, flawed, human, real, strong, beautiful, and loved. This page gave the girl in me space to act as if there was space for her in the world, and from this risk – this simple act of writing the self on the page – I have been rewarded with kind words, support, passing interest, but above all else the solidity that comes with just being myself. With humility, I say I am still a student learning, but I take forward many lessons learned.

On this page, I have written about being with the fear of aloneness, and what came from this exercise was a wholeness that incorporated that fear and changed it into something new. I no longer feel alone, though I am still not in that relationship we all strive to have. I have that relationship with myself.

I have written about bruised egos that ache with all those old habits baked into our skin and stepped forward healed. I sucked out the swelling, releasing old patterns, by simply existing with the bruises as is – no running, blaming, or lying about the experience.

I have typed a thousand words about school and the tasky days that ensued with the school experience, and have come to a break where I neither feel overwhelmed from the experience or exhausted. I just sat with the busy days on the this page, dissipating the power exhaustion can have on the mind.

to be continued...

4 Comments:

Anonymous T said...

sounds "mighty fine" as u'd say.

i still wish u'd have come with me.

10:41 AM, July 03, 2006  
Blogger JourneyThroughLIfe said...

WOW,wow, wow. I am flawed by this post. I really don't know what to say. It's one of those posts, when I feel really close to you, whose blogger soul I have come to love having in my life! This post brought not only a wonderful awareness of this aspect of you, but an amazing comparison to how I feel about my own blog. But you have described it in ways that I never could have.
I really look forward to the continuation...
JTL
xxx

7:24 AM, July 05, 2006  
Blogger JourneyThroughLIfe said...

... and having read it again, not just how I feel about my own blog, but also how I feel about myself and where I am in my life right at the moment.
The being alone paragraph, still a student learning, recognising the lessons, old habits...
It is so good to read that you are in a much better place in your own journey.
JTL
xxx

7:29 AM, July 05, 2006  
Blogger Darius said...

That was an important and very life-giving thing to me too - learning how to be alone without being lonely. How to, literally, enjoy myself, or enjoy being myself.

10:58 AM, July 05, 2006  

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