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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Over Night - Free Thought

Mixing thoughts on another over night shift – listening to Solsbury Hill, my heart going boom, boom, boom. I want to grab my things, and have you take me home.

I was just outside, sitting in the dark night smelling the warm air, hearing the thick air displaced from cars driving in the distance. I was just sitting there, absorbing the summer night. The smell of plants having pushed up from the earth, now growing stronger and thicker in the perfumed dirt of summer’s rich soil breathes strength and energy in this night. I was taken back to moments sharing night time swims with friends, letting the water lap around our bodies, and that smell of wet bodies in wet clothes that is so unique to summer nights permeated my mind. I am so grateful I appreciated those moments as much in the moment as I do now.

The job is the same as it was last weekend, 40 hours in 4 days, money in the pocket, and sleep an exercise of athletic sprints between the hours working. I am very glad I have trained my body to sleep at odd times and in between times to keep my energy up, though am sad all at the same time. My internal clock just wants my days to be consistent, waking and setting with the sun - not against it on the weekends and with it all other times of the week. My resistance is the same its been from the beginning of school, stemming from the internal child who never liked to be tired. Of course, if I didn’t say these words, didn’t put them out there, how could I release them and do what I need to do to get through school, work, and all the tasky that goes hand in hand with Grad school? Life has never been so easy, but I am living in the cusp of change. Soon doing what I need to do to get where I am going will change to things I am doing to grow me right where I am. Sleep and time will balance out. and at the same time, I appreciate this moment for what it is - I am a student on more then one level, learning as I go along. It really has never been so easy as it is right now.

My coworker and I are working, silent partners to things to do, we stop and share moments in lulls of an over night. The music on the radio is excellent tonight.

Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom-boom-boom
Hey, I said, you can keep my things
They've come to take me home

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2 Comments:

Blogger telfair said...

One of my favorite songs, ever.

7:51 AM, June 17, 2006  
Blogger Alexandra G said...

I wonder why we are so afraid of change. I think for me because I am a genius of thinking of worst case what-if scenarios. 40 hours in 4 days- thats my work schedule too & it IS so tiring! Hang in there and know you are working towards something, that its not just for no ultimate goal. Each time after I do graduate its always this weird, suspended feeling. When do you actually finish? In any case, take good care of yourself!

10:33 AM, June 17, 2006  

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