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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Building a Mystery

Back at work tonight. I’ve been picking up extra shifts to collect time for future time off, and so for the fall I can work less during school. I enjoy working here. I know I have said this before, but my coworkers are good people. Its been nice to get some day and evening time in here. I get to work more directly with the clients and coworkers. We all kind of balance each others strengths, doing our part to keep the unit flowing and offering resources. We just work together to make things happen. Its nice like that.

My weekend overall has been pretty low-key. Sleeping between shifts, I got in 40 hours of work. I have plans later in the month and for my birthday next month, so I am trying to get in the long hours now. This week is going to be busy too, having a paper to research and write on Monday for class. I need to settle my August schedule for my continued education group I run at the Community Center and I have to get in my paperwork for the internship in the fall.

I have decided to take time off from July until school starts back in the fall. I’m a worker. Taught by my family, I fill my time with work, volunteer activities and microbursts of political activism. If this is one of my last summers here, I want to take time to be here. I want to spend time with friends while they are still here – many leaving this summer for destinations onward. I want to spend time building my shell (a movable home of resources), so when its my time to head out I can carry my home with me. I have also come to a place where I appreciate my home I have built here and I want to continue to appreciate this nest before I head out to my destination onward. I’m still working, I am just letting go of many extracurricular activities.

I’ve read so many peoples mysteries wondering what their meaning in life is, what is going to happen, who are they, and where do our toes go when we sleep :O). I have so many of the same questions, but am coming to a place in my life where I can expect I neither have all the answers or all the control. Yeah, this was a hard lesson for me. This does not mean I am an amoeba stuck in the current of life without ores or direction. It just means that as I ride this current, I know the best thing I can do for myself is A) check out my surroundings and use the resources I have, B) Let go of things that don’t work or hold me under the current too long, C) appreciate those who spend time with me on this journey as it unfolds and D) know this river was carved out from the rock long before I was born. I am a person who has come to appreciate that maneuvering through life is not difficult, if we know ourselves as the best companion in it.

And my final words for the night is I have had Sarah McLachlan’s song, Building a Mystery in my head all evening. :O).

2 Comments:

Anonymous T said...

thanx, the songs in my head now :)

T

6:59 PM, June 11, 2006  
Blogger telfair said...

Your riding-the-current learnings are comforting and profound, at once.

These are all things that I have learned gradually, too, and am grateful that I'm at a point in my life where I can make use of them, rather than exhausting myself struggling against the current.

8:52 PM, June 11, 2006  

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