Sunday Scribblings: First Love

My first love, hmm. That would be LW, age 9 years.

I think back on LW with found memories. I could tell he liked me when we played the game "Endless Caverns". In this game, we would pretend we were lost in...well, endless caverns and in each cave there would be a new monster to fight. LW always wanted to play the monster, thinking about ways to torment us. Us usually was a group of boys and myself. At the end of recess, everyone usually wound up dead to the monster, except me. I felt special.

Then there were the bus rides home where we would sit and talk about space, time travel, and various existential contemplations about the universe. For example, I remember once we chatted away about whether or not we were alone in the universe. I’m a geek and have always been one. To this day, I still get excited to read about String Theory even if I still have no clue what’s its all about. LW and I would spend that time on the bus just bouncing thoughts and questions off one another.

Of course, it didn’t stop there. After he was dropped off, it took me a ½ before the bus made it to my stop. We had it timed out perfect that about ½ after I got home, he would call me and we would continue or daily discussion. This would happen day in and day out for the entire 4th grade.

Now, I prefer girls these days and can tell a thousand stories about how why, but LW was the only boy who had my childhood heart. Neither of us ever talked about liking each other or "going steady" as it was called back then, though we would show it in gifts and drawings. One time for his birthday, I made my Mother buy him a new marble chess set because I knew he wanted one. It was the most expensive gift I ever got her to spend on some kids birthday party, usually leaving the token gift to $10 or less. He in turn gave me a necklace one recess just before bell. I remember him pushing me aside as the lot of us 4th graders were lining up to go in and handed me a box.

I opened it to find a pseudo gold necklace with a pseudo ruby jewel wrapped by a heart. This was the first and only time we kissed. I initiated, overly excited by my gift, I just leaned in and pecked him on the lips before pulling away to look at my gift. His face was a few shades red, and his smile was filled with absolute satisfaction. I loved him very much that day and still hold his expression with favor to this day.

It wasn’t until MP, a girl who sat next to us on the bus blurting out one day "You too like each other, so why don’t you go steady already," did LW and I talk about what that meant. To two children, it meant we were best friends who could share the world, play games, and talk for hours. We never officially went steady, though agreed we would when 5th grade rolled around. I guess our mindset was we were too young at 9 years old, but not at 10.

Things change and as time progressing into new selves, we never really came back to our goals in the 5th grade or the close friendship we share. I’m not sure why, though know by then I had fallen for a girl who I couldn’t figure out at the time, but I wanted to spend my time with. He also started to like someone else at his church and the world went on, with our first love safely tucked away in the 4th grade. I am thankful the time and still carry that necklace in one of my boxes, though the gold has rubbed off. I still search for qualities he had in the girls I date now.

Thanks, LW.