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Location: Midwest, United States

"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Sunny Weather, Under Stormed Filled Skies

Written This Morning (free thought):

A storm breaks the sweltering humidity that stuck to us for the last few days. I watched it roll in this morning, a cool fresh breeze and faint hints of distance thunder brought in on the clouds. At this moment, the rains settle into a steady flow down my awning after gushing stormier weather just moments ago. I had a few errands to run around the neighborhood – garbage bags from the Convenience Store, Coffee shop to check email, and then a bike ride before the weather broke. The weather broke while I was reading the electronic letters. The morning once hung a blurry bright as the clouds crowded out the horizon, now cover the day with a dimmer dark. The open signs carry a thick glow of red on this rainy day. I guess the bike ride is out.

Life is a wondrous thing for me right now, and that’s a little unsettling. I shouldn’t be having such a good time. I’m turning 30, which means nothing except the opportunity to be different then I was has brought with it attachments I can’t shake. I am about to be 30 and I haven’t had a serious relationship since…well a very long time. Attachment #1. I live my life liquid, meaning no house payments, no car payments, only the bare bills to pay, so that I can do what…move, be free, pay off my non-school related debt to see if debt free life is possible. Attachment #2. Our world is messed up and in pain the likes she has never seen before, and, guess what, not only is my Government responsible with the rest of the elite globe, but we are not yet done with our destruction. Attachment #3.

Here I am feeling mighty fine. Will I die an early death for this?

When I wake up to my life right now, I either begin to study about mental health and systematic oppression of people within the U.S. mental health system; volunteer at the once Internship with a community center that’s goals are to assist the local neighborhood community, or work at a Crisis Center helping individuals with mental health distress. Oh then there is the random assistance to some elders in the neighborhood, art projects and fun with friends. If I took life too seriously, I think I’d be so messed up right now. Even my attachments to…my attachments bring with them a fun experience to simply see what is going to happen. Like a kid, I’m kind of excited to see what tomorrow is going to bring. Partly because I have more faith in people then I do the governments, partly because I have faith in myself.

Am I weird, strange, completely diagnosable? All I can say is, as I watched the storm roll in and out while writing these words, I feel pretty lucky I am alive and love the contradictions that life brings.

I believe I was born with a mystic’s heart, a philosopher’s mind, and the soul of a novice. I am happy for it.


P.S. I did eventually go for the bike ride. It was very worth the wait.


Blogger sasha said...

I liked that!

2:36 PM, May 31, 2006  

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