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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Addressing The Personal Realm

I have been thinking about the subject of who reads my blog for some time now. I have personal friends, new blog friends, and strangers who read this page. I’ve even wondered if it is a subject I “can” approach on the blog directly. But here I go, doing what feels right for me.

I feel strange writing on this page lately. I appreciate this medium because I feel I connect to parts of my life in a more creative and fluid motion that helps me to keep perspective on what living life means. An audience helps to promote my better qualities. :O). I never realized how many people who are in my life actually read this blog. In the past few weeks a number of people have brought up reading the blog in various ways and when I once thought it was just T, The Chief and Stonetree who read the blog, now has become many more then I could expect. It’s kind of weird. I feel this overwhelming sense to protect myself. Perhaps it’s worry about saying too much and being judged. Perhaps it’s because I have taken this space and purposefully created a space that is solely about me and I worry others will make it about them, even if it definitely is not. Perhaps it’s because I have no control over what others see when they read this. I do know that I appreciate those who read this blog to know me better, and am glad they want to see me on this page.

Overall, I love writing here. I like the me that translates onto the page and my authentic reaction to feelings and situations in my life. I like that this page is about me. I even like the fact that I have friends who want to know this end of me.

There is a part of me though, that needs to address what this page means for me, an electronic world boundary, I suppose. This page is developed out of self-introspection and a love for creating words to reflect the movements in life. This page holds my humor, my sarcasm, my honesty, my respect and care, and all other aspects I am at this moment. It is solely intended to be a space for me to delve into me. (Insert a sudden need to look up narcissi disorders to check criteria). Even with the most difficult feelings addressed on this page, I hope those who read do not take it upon themselves to fix me or do something different. I never asked for that.

I know those close in my life read this as a way to get to know me better (and to see when they get mentioned :O) ). I hope to always bring up the best in my relationships with my close friends here and never harm anyone with my words. I also feel protective of myself that friends may start to over analyze this page to find themselves in my words. I would hope they would talk to me directly about my intentions rather then assume. Believe me, if I thought I was talking about other people other then with respect, I would try to avoid it. At the same time, I’m going to approach this blog as though it really is about my feelings, perspectives, hopes and fears.

As for fellow bloggers and strangers, I hope you appreciate the page for what it is too.

All right, I’ll probably go back to the regularly scheduled programming later this evening with a more routine post.

~GoGo

5 Comments:

Anonymous beansprout said...

Well said. I definitely take your blog for what it is...an expression of yourself. No judgment from this stranger in cyberspace. here;s to your continued exploration!

9:42 PM, June 01, 2006  
Blogger JourneyThroughLIfe said...

I definately appreciate your blog, love reading it and consider you one of my blogger friends!
I've also been going through my own thoughts about the things that I write on my blog, wondering if I should write what I do. So, it was good to hear your perspectives.
JTL
xxx

11:04 PM, June 01, 2006  
Blogger Laini said...

It is a strange little world here to examine, isn't it? I've been surprised to learn of some of the people in my "real life" who've been reading and never mentioned it. I hope you keep finding and defining your comfort zone and keeping at it.

1:09 AM, June 02, 2006  
Blogger driftwood said...

I can really relate to what you said. Being a new blogger myself I am going through similar feelings, I find myself thinking about how to balance keeping a space for me, while knowing that that space is also public and not private.
Since I have known you for a while now and know that what you write about is for you I think you have done a beautiful job of achieving that balance. You certainly inspired me.

2:07 PM, June 03, 2006  
Blogger GoGo said...

:O)

11:29 PM, June 03, 2006  

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