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Location: Midwest, United States

"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Eyes Wide Open, Eyes Wide Shut

Walking in the shadows before morning light, my mind is awake, but my eyes want to be closed.

To stay awake I made Cabbage soup at work. We had all these vegetables that needed to be used, including cabbage, so I thought why not make soup. Its filling this whole place with olfactory goodness. I feel accomplished. My work here is done, now I can go to home to bed. Oh wait, I have 3 more hours.

Today’s routine: I woke up surprisingly early and went to the library to do a Literature Review for a group presentation on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I enjoy literature reviews and find myself having to pull back, otherwise I would spend more time then I have doing them. They remind me of when I was a kid and would spend hours reading the encyclopedia. I would start out with one subject, then flip to the other articles recommended at the bottom of the page, only to do the process over again at the end of the next page. I know, I know....I should have been practicing putting on makeup and creating visions of my wedding day in my head. Anyway, I loved the process. A Lit review is the same process. There are a thousand ways to find articles on a subject. I stopped at 27 articles knowing my group members wouldn’t appreciate my zealousness for information as much as I do.

I then worked on my internship application for next year. Rewrote the resume for the 100th time. I left the library and turned it into the Social Work Department. Met up with some peers who were doing the same thing. We chatted about the whole process, revealing gossip about what we heard about next year’s schedule. I learned the two people I was talking to think I’m anal. I kind of feel bad about this because I’m seriously. I am self-aware people. See my thing is, I am lazy and loose attention pretty fast, so its best to do things quickly with detailed attention, so as not to have to worry about doing it later when I can be watching 6 Feet Under. I use efficiency so I can slack. But in the end, I just have to let go and hope its projection and not my anis in question.

Then when it was all said and done, I went home and went to bed to sleep for the overnight shift. I was awoken by a friend of mine who got a teaching job at the local community college. It took me a minute to realize it was my phone ringing and not my alarm clock. I kept hitting the thing, thinking all the while that 10 minutes sure do go by fast when your tired...I woke up when my phone beeped I had a message. I was happy for my friend when I listened to the excitement in her voice. Time finally paid off where patience was waning and she deserves this new experience. I wish I would have woken up fast enough to answer and tell her directly how proud I am.

After that, I went back to bed for about a half hour. My eyes were wide awake and didn’t want to stay closed any longer. I would like to point out to my eyes we could have had 2 additional hours tonight if they would have just stayed closed! :o).

P.S. I know I can turn off my phone. I do when I want to and don't when I don't...or forget.



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