Residuals From Doing Shrooms In College

I came home to my apartment this morning and immediately put on some pajama pants. I love to be in my kitchen first thing in the morning, the light drips in from the living room just right, a bent beam all over my stove. Not tired, I drank tea leaning against my counter just watching that beam move up the stove onto the wall and for the first time recognized this was my home. This was me spending time in my home.

I’ve been so stressed lately from the isolation of work, school and internship (oh my!). Worried that I don’t make friends quick enough or with charmed impressions that there must be something wrong with me. Living alone and not being in a relationship compounds this fear right now because without the comfort of someone else, living alone means your alone. Doing Grad School and living alone. Whew! This is one of those fears I’ve let sit in the corner, darkened by perception. I’ve done so much to try and prove it wrong, try and change it. But lately, I’ve just needed to drop it. Let it go...knowing if I give it enough time it will appear as it really is. Well not necessarily knowing...more like acting as if I know and hoping that acting isn’t just the bull in the shit I am feeding myself. I just let it sit in the corner while I drank my tea.

And wouldn't u know, there it was - me, my fear, and that beam of light sharing a moment in my home.