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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Hey, I Know My Life Is Not As Bad As Cheney's

Quick blog because I know if I don’t write it now, I will want to later and later I NEED to write a paper. I know it’s my broken record, but life is frickin’ busy these days – busy in a good way, but busy in a hard way too.

I have a paper I need to write tonight on informed consent, follow-up on my next workshop for my internship to do, and a Senior Coffee Group I need to get logistics finished on. I have half my reports done for all of this, and this weekend I need to find time to apply for financial aid, confirm summer aid, as well as attend a Field Liaison group. Oh, damn I need to do my taxes too.

Take a deep breath. This does not include studying for my Research Method’s exam this weekend and reading the corresponding chapters….PLUS reading my theory chapters and writing an expert write up thingy ma-whatever.

I have established a routine of putting my clothes in corresponding laundry piles when I take them off at night, so I can just put them in the wash as soon as I get a chance. I also now am eating only frozen and/or soup to make life easier and cheaper. All is healthy usually consisting of beans and rice. When I am on campus I buy Rice and Lentil Soup and a salad for dinner, and eat a Tofu sandwich with orange and yogurt at lunch. I am trying to maintain a healthy eating pattern, though very basic when this busy these days. Bad foods make me tired, and am tired of being tired.

I don’t really have time to feel like I am just swimming these days, and I’ve long since given up anything close to falling…that would mean there is an end with pain and prefer to remember no matter how I choose to feel, there is going to be another day. But boi, I sure am ready to get some kind of reprieve. I’m still working on personal non-school related crap that always seems to come up when you don’t have time too, and spend most of my days either focused on work or weepy over spilled milk.

With all of this said and written, I have never felt more alive and true to myself. Still it’s hard. Still wish temper tantrums and being held on someone’s lap were things you do as an adult instead of at four years old…I know all the work I am doing today brings me closer to where I want to be…which is right here with me. Does this make sense? Does it matter? To me it does.

Well, I am going to add one more thing to my task list today – work out. I really just need something that will help me to release all this stress building up and this is the one thing that I can think of that will make me feel better in the end…and won’t hurt my throat like screaming would. :o). Namaste.

1 Comments:

Anonymous T said...

and spend most of my days either focused on work or weepy over spilled milk.

-i love the end of this line. u told me nothing, but i get it.

10:35 PM, February 15, 2006  

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