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"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Lost in a Win/Win Situation

I stood at the top of the stairs today, wondering which way I was going – up or down? I’ve wrote before about how busy I am these days. To Do Lists and follow-up phone calls have become my life lists, and digesting my homework the appetizer and desert to my busy days. And yet I am doing fine. Something has changed since my first semester to this one…I am more comfortable with it all. Sure I’d like to be less busy. I don’t hesitate to make a parody about the humming busy-ness. It keeps the high frequency of this pace from building up in my throat. And it’s another form of taking care of me, when the best option just isn’t an option.

Sometimes our lives are at a level different than what we want them to be. Sometimes we don’t get what we want immediately, and sometimes that damn clichéd line “You don’t get what you want, but you get what you need” is true. Damn Cliché. It was so right this time, but that is another story. Oh, but I am digressing into some internal Scrubs dialogue…back to the beginning line.

So, I stood at the top of the stairs today, going from one task into the next, building a program for my internship while building my professional career, and I felt this moment of unsteadiness at the top of the stairs. I knew my direction, out into the daylight…out toward another building where I was meeting with my supervisor for the weekly checkin, but my head wasn’t sure. For a brief 2.5 second intake of breath I wondered, what the hell am I really doing these days? Is this really what I want to do?.....Am I going up or down? But before worry could set in or fear…or to be honest commitment issues about my life set in, my inner voice spoke to my mind’s ear “Hun, whatever direction you're heading, you’ve got the best partner for this ride. You’ll be just fine.”

I like my internal dialogue.

3 Comments:

Anonymous T said...

What I've always liked about you is you can take a minor thought and turn it into a story to read.

I can tell you love life.

12:21 PM, February 03, 2006  
Blogger GoGo said...

Thanks, T. I do. I really do.

12:38 AM, February 04, 2006  
Blogger Virginia Valle said...

;) Ohhhh love life is the best thing you could do ;). I LOVE LIFE TOO :)

5:26 AM, February 04, 2006  

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