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Location: Midwest, United States

"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

sounds about right

Then & Now:

When I graduated from undergrad, I had Mono. I had some serious symptoms my last semester. I was sleeping all the time. I had a hard time going to class and pretty much spent most of my time in this fatigue filled fog. At that time, I was convinced I was not adjusting well to the changes happening with graduating like leaving friends, finding a job…moving back to my parents’ house to help with my little brother. In fact, it wasn’t until a month after I graduated going to my 2nd day of a new job that I learned I had mono. I had a high fever, could barely stand, and felt like it was freezing outside…it was June.

I went to the doctor’s office instead of work, feeling absolutely guilty for calling in my 2nd day. At the Doc’s this nurse tried to get my height, but I could barely stand. She was obviously annoyed as she kept saying, “You need to stand straight!” She kept saying it over and over again like I was some moron, until finally I said back, “If I could stand straight, don’t you think I’d do it just to stop you from yelling at me!” I was surprised and so was she. The next thing I know, she seemed to have snapped out of her bad mood, taking my swiveling gait as a sign of something serious. My temp was 103 degrees and I was sent to lie down in an exam room while the nurse took blood and had it instantly tested. The results came back with end stage Mono.

I learned my symptoms from my last semester were Mono related not a bought of Adjustment Disorder NOS. Though I am sure it was an adjustment to graduate, the seriousness of my fatigue was certifiably physical, not psychological. It’s a little scary that I just assumed I wasn’t handling life changes very well and ignored my symptoms. Since then, I have become very aware that I often will negate my colds, sore joints, and anything medically related to psychological events. To which I have learned to stop and remind myself that I should see a doctor anyway because chances are pretty good I am not depressed but overpopulated with one virus or other.

I am coming up to graduation for the Masters degree. Many life changes hang in the distance. I am not sleeping all the time like I did that last undergrad semester. There is no fatigue, except for the cause and effect of a late night writing a paper. There is no underpinning of fear that I am not doing this graduation thing right.

I figure I don’t have Mono this time around.



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