the things i know

Mah-Nah-Mah-Nah
Bap-bah-dah-dup-pah
Man-nah-mah-nah
Bap-duh-dap-bah

There are things I know, walking this journey for 30 turns now. The common sense unfolding seems to help make sense of the things going round. I know that the WIFI signal of the wire connection to the laptop is always stronger before one connects. I know that the sun rises over the horizon even if a cloud blocks our view. I know that given enough time, perspectives change and understanding changes the belly’s reactions to things. Yep, it’s pretty much guaranteed.

Mah-Nah-Mah-Nah
Bap-bah-dah-dup-pah
Man-nah-mah-nah
Bap-duh-dap-bah

At the coffee shop a smile creeps on my face though, I’m feeling a little rough today. My stress level is increasing even though I tell it not to worry. I can feel it in my body, worn and tired. My eyes are puffed warm and sleepy. It’s my body telling me “I don’t want to do this” and “this” happens to be the research class Internal Review Board problems. My mind disagrees, knowing what I know about sun rises and drama. I know that it’s best to let other people get worked up. Let other people spin their tires. Old habits are hard to break, and I let my body struggle with feeling safe. I don’t struggle against the doubt, nor do I let my head get caught in a whirlwind of doubt, and I simply remind myself its going to be okay. Then I type out itinerary for the upcoming meetings.

Mah-Nah-Mah-Nah
Bap-bah-dah-dup-pah
Man-nah-mah-nah
Bap-duh-dap-bah

In a course of yesterday until today, I have gone from my research survey “wasn’t going to happen in my life time” to “possibly maybe”. I love the words “possibly maybe” together. It is now in the hands of this unnamed board to review AND changes are definitely imminent. I go to my prof’s office. I set some boundaries and hopes. The hope is whether I do this survey thing for class or not, I want to continue to try and make my research happen. The hope is she’ll be my mentor. I really like this Prof. I can see my tool basket getting fuller with her around. I see her strength and ability to disagree with the masses. I like this characteristic. The boundary is at this point in the game, I am disconnecting my internship with the class. I ask for pseudo data to analyze for the class to finish the course. My research problems continue, but I don’t want them connected to my assignments. She had the same idea. She agrees to both the hope and the boundary.

Mah-Nah-Mah-Nah
Bap-bah-dah-dup-pah
Man-nah-mah-nah
Bap-duh-dap-bah

I parked my car in the museum parking adjacent to the Social Work Departments building for my meeting with my prof. As I looked at the other cars parked next to mine, I see each of them have a ticket. The tickets look like a car strung necklace. The middle car tried to fool the parking officer by putting an old ticket envelope on the car. It’s a common urban myth that if you make it look like you already have a ticket, they won’t give you another one. It didn’t work. I know this is a sign of what is going to happen to mine, so I go into the museum and buy the $1 parking pass for two hours. I go into said hopes & boundaries meeting. Afterwards I have 45 minutes left on the pass, so I go into the museum and tour the halls. Why not? I know I’d find something in there I was glad I took this little detour to see. I did. While walking in and out of rooms full, I notice the theme is tools. Damn, I love this relationship I have with the universe. I smile as the mah-nah-mah-nah song goes through my head while I look at all the artwork.

Mah-Nah-Mah-Nah
Bap-bah-dah-dup-pah
Man-nah-mah-nah
Bap-duh-dap-bah