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Location: Midwest, United States

"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

hope & frustration: Acme approved

Twist and turn, life gives you lemons and you’re suppose to do what with them?

School is definitely teaching me a good number of things these days. That's what they call the political point view. Maybe a little history on what I am doing in school before I explain why my brain feels like it just did a belly flop in my head and fell right out my ear.

This semester I only have two classes. One of them is a research class where I am learning all about research. Seems appropriately titled doesn’t it. The class is intense with an assignment due each week that builds on one another until the final project which is a completed research project complete with statistical analysis, data collection, and dissemination of the information from the whole process. Yeah, it’s a long winded process too. We started out creating this lovely little logic model about the internship programs we have. The next step was building surveys questions and research protocols. When this is finalized we are suppose to get the surveys passed out, returned, create a code book (to help with analysis), analyze the data, etc. Well, I am at the part where the survey is being refined for dissemination to the clients. I have hit the Internal Research Board wall. If you want to know what that sounds like, its like Wile E. Coyote crashing into a rock on the back of a rocket and ironically enough accompanied by a distant sound of “Meep, Meep” in the background noise. I may not be able to pass any surveys along to any clients. I may have to add more hours to this part of the process to get anything done AND the next half of the project – returned surveys and paper – which is due 10/30 may not happen. Its the due dates that messing this whole thing up.

I’m a busy gyrl. I’m pretty impressed that I have organized my life so well to date, but this research class is kicking my butt [meep, meep]. Let’s not forget that the internship program I am in is a new one which means added to this is me creating pamphlets, resource material, and TRYING to start two support groups for Vet Techs and clients. I believe I may have just reached my human capacity. I want to learn, I do. But so much in 1 semester? Am I nuts to think this may be too much? I feel scratched under the collar, as I reach to loosen my tie. This little brain of mine wants to check out and go to the beach, climb to the top of the bluff and slide all the way down…it sounds like fun doesn’t it. I figure if I am going to feel this sensation of falling, might as well be down a sandy hill.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a huge part of me that actually gets a tickle from this. That part of self that has enjoyed delving into a subject I’ve never really understood or wanted to learn – research. Personally, just because I don’t like something is not an excuse not to learn about it. Not only that, I really wanted to position myself for a peer-reviewed journal article. That’s slipping away, but at least I tried. It wasn’t something I absolutely needed in my life; it would have been a bonus. I’m sad.

I just want to be a person who sees life as challenges faced, because I already know what life looks like from a crisis point of view. But today, right here and now, I’m pretty stuck, my brain is fried, and I’m in denial that its time to stop writing and put that time into school. My brain hurts.

Excuse me while I get back on my Acme rocket and aim for that rock.



Blogger Rose of Sharon said...

You are doing GREAT!!!! Hang in there, okay? I hated doing research while in grad school. Yup, I know all about statistics (our stats prof used to start each class with, "Statistics is FUN" slide. gag!) and IRBs etc. Chin up! Go and bop your head to mah nah mah nah!! Sweet dreams (or should that be relaxing dreams?)! Hugs!

10:23 PM, October 18, 2006  
Blogger Bug said...

Good luck! It sounds like you're doing great.

9:08 AM, October 19, 2006  

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