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Location: Midwest, United States

"Power lines, my travlin' partner on this ride. Dripping, pulling - up and down, in this sing song, their lullaby blends with the swaying train. I curl myself into this journey; folding myself up into this pocket of time. Old familiars greet me - that swing set in the back yard, the ruins of an old church covered in new birth and old - mixed with unremembered newness." Journal Entry, October 13, 2005~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~All words are copyrighted by GoGo on a Page/gogoroku.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Diary of a Nonsmoker: Day 16

Happy pick a Holiday!

So, I've gone through the 3 day withdrawl. I've been through the first week of "want to start up at any moment quivers". I even came to the edge of rage and like the little girl (Charlie) from the book FireStarter, I fought back the desire to set the place ablaze....well a cigarette anyway. My body still wants the stuff! I wonder if all this physical need is just me not wanting to give up this bad habit? I'm just loosing patience with the thoughts that occur in my head...the feelings not smoking bring up. I want to be done quitting already so I can think about other things obsessively, okay. :o). Just laughed at myself.

Seriously though, I'm never going back if its this hard to quit...its more the want of it...because it was so a part of my routine. It is what I ran too when anything happened. Got stressed had a smoke, got happy had a smoke, got paid had a smoke, got a crush had a smoke, got an ephiphany had a smoke, you name the got I had the smoke with it. Now its just me, baby! Which I like, but its not an addictive substance for no good reason...its hooked me and its not letting go any day soon...but it does not have me anymore and what I got it can't have. I have most assuredly let go of smoking...its just gonna take time for the smoking to realize this. Poor smoking, its time to move on 'cause I don't want you...I'm a better person without you. There are other decaying lungs out there, let go of me.

Excuse me while I play "I Will Survive" in my head and shake my butt.



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